Secondary Infertility Counseling in Massachusetts
Wanting another child doesn’t make the grief any smaller
Secondary infertility is difficulty conceiving or carrying a pregnancy after you have previously had a child. It can involve the same testing, treatment, waiting, and loss as any other infertility, yet it is often far less acknowledged.
You may hear that you should just be grateful for the child you have. You are grateful. And you can also be grieving the family you pictured, the sibling you hoped to give your child, or the plan that isn’t unfolding the way you expected.
Loving the child you have and longing for another can exist side by side.
I’m Ashley Luongo, LMHC, PMH-C, a licensed mental health counselor who has worked in mental health since 2011. My practice focuses on infertility, pregnancy loss, pregnancy after loss, and perinatal mental health. I provide secondary infertility counseling for adults in Massachusetts and Rhode Island, in person in Franklin, MA and by telehealth.
The Emotional Experience of Secondary Infertility
Secondary infertility can feel isolating in a particular way. You may not feel fully understood in infertility spaces because you already have a child, and you may feel out of step with other parents who are announcing second and third pregnancies.
People navigating secondary infertility often describe:
- Grief for the family size or age gap you imagined
- Guilt for wanting more, or for being sad in front of your child
- Confusion when a first pregnancy came easily
- Painful moments at school pickup or playdates
- Fielding questions like “When is number two coming?”
- Strain on your relationship or sex life
- Pressure from family expectations or timelines
- Worry about age, finances, and time
Your grief is valid even if others don’t see it.
Fertility Treatment While Parenting
Trying to conceive while raising a child brings practical and emotional layers. Monitoring appointments may compete with daycare drop-off. Injections, procedures, or a pregnancy loss can happen while you’re still making lunches and getting through bedtime. You may be hiding your sadness from your child or wondering how much to tell them.
There are also hard decisions: whether to begin treatment, how much time and money to invest, whether to try IVF, when to take a break, and when or whether to stop. Therapy can give you space to explore what matters most to you and your family without someone else’s timeline.
If you’re also experiencing infertility more broadly, my infertility counseling page describes how I support people throughout treatment.
How Therapy Can Help With Secondary Infertility
Therapy is not about pushing you toward any particular decision. It’s a place where both your gratitude and your grief are welcome. Depending on your needs, our work may draw on:
Supportive counseling
Room to name losses that others may overlook, process disappointment after unsuccessful cycles, and feel less alone.
CBT-informed strategies
Tools to work with guilt, self-blame, and anxious thinking, and to set boundaries around questions and comments that sting.
EMDR therapy
If a pregnancy loss, a difficult first birth, or a medical experience still feels distressing, EMDR therapy may be an option to help process those memories when it’s clinically appropriate. We would decide together whether it fits.
A previous pregnancy loss or a traumatic first birth can shape how secondary infertility feels, and we can make room for that history too.
My Approach
I’ve completed a year-long postgraduate course in infertility counseling and hold a Perinatal Mental Health Certification (PMH-C), along with EMDR training and a background in CBT. I welcome people of every gender, relationship, and family structure, whether you are partnered, solo parenting, or building your family with donor support.
Sessions can include you alone or, when it helps, your partner. We’ll move at a pace that feels manageable alongside everything else you’re holding.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is secondary infertility?
Secondary infertility refers to difficulty becoming pregnant or carrying a pregnancy after previously giving birth. It can happen even when a first pregnancy came easily, and it can involve the same medical evaluation and treatment options as other forms of infertility. Your doctor or fertility specialist can speak to the medical side.
Is it okay to grieve secondary infertility when I already have a child?
Yes. Grief is about the loss of something you hoped for, and that hope doesn’t disappear because you are already a parent. Many people feel guilty for being sad, but loving your child and grieving the family you imagined are not in conflict.
Can therapy help me decide whether to continue fertility treatment?
Therapy can help you sort through your values, limits, and feelings so a decision feels more like your own. I won’t tell you what to choose, and I don’t give medical advice, but I can help you think clearly about options you’re weighing with your medical team.
How do I talk to my child about fertility treatment or loss?
There isn’t one right answer, and it often depends on your child’s age and your family. In therapy, we can think through what feels honest and age-appropriate for you, and how to take care of yourself while you’re parenting through a hard time.
Do you offer secondary infertility counseling by telehealth?
Yes. I offer telehealth for adults located in Massachusetts and Rhode Island, and in-person sessions in Franklin, MA. Telehealth can make it easier to fit therapy around childcare and appointments.
Related Support
- Infertility counseling – support through IVF, IUI, and trying to conceive
- Pregnancy after infertility counseling – if you become pregnant again
- Pregnancy loss therapy – for grief after miscarriage or other loss
- EMDR therapy – for experiences that still feel traumatic
Secondary Infertility Therapist in Massachusetts & Rhode Island
If secondary infertility is weighing on you, you deserve support that takes your grief seriously.
I offer in-person therapy in Franklin, MA and telehealth throughout Massachusetts and Rhode Island.